true blood

This past week the South African National Blood Service spent a day at our offices collecting blood. I haven’t ever donated because I’ve always been under the impression that my previously vegetarian, now vegan, blood would be rejected (trust my inferiority complex to extend so far as to the quality of my blood).

I was on my way out of the toilets when I was waylaid by a co-worker who demanded to know whether I was going to “feed the vampires”. I was about to tell her I don’t follow Twilight when the light-bulb went on and I thought “what the hell”. I decided to go for the initial prick-test so that I could at least feel validated in having tried to do my part.

Imagine my utter shock when the results for the iron test came back and I was a good few points above the required minimum for donating. I was so busy patting my vegan-self on the back that it took me a while to realise that I hadn’t quite mentally committed to or prepared for the consequences of my passing the screening test.

My pain tolerance is generally high, I’ve never had a problem with any of the tattoos I’ve commissioned, I have a fair amount of scars on my body and I’ve survived numerous bikini waxes. However, when the nurse (read: the beaming angel of blood-letting) strapped my arm to a chair and whipped out her mother-of-a-hypodermic-needle I turned into a real p***y and contemplated making my escape. I ultimately decided against it and, instead, subjected myself to 20 minutes of MTV’s “When I was 17”.

To make my first experience of donating even more memorable, I found myself lying next to one of the most competitive and A-type personality Amazons at the firm. Alas, what ensued was a passive-aggressive-blood-donating-race accompanied by overtly aggressive fist pumping. I have low blood pressure. Her blood cells wouldn’t deign to operate in anything but a high pressure system. I had a five minute head-start. We were neck-in-neck. The beaming angel of blood-letting kept on shaking my blood-bag and looking at it with sad disappointment. All I could wonder was “how the fuck is her bag filling up so quickly” and “how the hell does she pump her fist so quickly with a needle lodged in her arm” and “is she even human” before launching into another frenzied spasm of fist pumping of my own.

By the end of the 20 minutes my teeth were on edge, my legs were writhing from an oncoming bout of claustrophobia and I knew everything that Audrina Patridge had done when she was 17. Despite my fragile condition, I shot off that seat 30 seconds before the Amazon, gave her one last fist-pump-of-near-hysterical-triumph, and dashed for the safety of the lifts before she drop-kicked my ass.

Least to say, I will most definitely be doing this again. 

  

weekend.laze.on.ya // lasagna

It’s great when Ric’s (big-little) brother comes to stay for the weekend because it forces me to cook decent food for everyone, which I then get to blog about. This weekend I tried making vegan lasagna for the first time, basing it on a recipe from the Vegan Swedes. I used spinach lasagna sheets made out of semolina and stuck with my trusted “cheese” sauce recipe which seems to make most meals, even the most mediocre of the lot, amazing.

Ingredients:

• 2 cloves garlic
• 1 medium onion
• 500g mix of grated (or diced) carrots, leeks, mushrooms, peppers and any other desired vegetables (I used turnips and celery)
• 2 tins chopped tomatoes
• 1-2 tbs tomato paste
• 1 tsp Thyme
• 1 tsp Oregano
• 1 packet Fry’s vegetarian mince
• 2 tbs vegetable stock
• Vegan parmesan cheese (available from most Pick ‘n Pay or Spar outlets)
• Salt
• Pepper
• 50g vegan margarine
• 3-4 tbsn flour
• 250ml vegan cooking cream/milk

“Mince” Mixture

Heat some olive oil in a pan and fry the garlic for 1 minute. Add the onion and fry until browned. Add the grated/diced vegetable mix and fry for about 10 minutes until soft.

Add the Fry’s vegan mix, 2 tins of chopped tomatoes and the tomato paste. Season with thyme, oregano, salt and pepper. A tip, which I got from the Vegan Swedes, is to add a teaspoon or two of sugar to the mix in order to counteract the slight bitterness of the canned tomatoes. Simmer on low heat for 20 minutes.

"Cheese" Sauce

Melt the margarine, add the flour and stir until it forms a paste. Add the vegan cooking cream/milk and the vegetable stock and stir continuously whilst the sauce simmers. In the event that the mix starts getting too thick, add water to thin the sauce down. Add as much of the vegan parmesan cheese as you like (I tend to put a lot of it in to give it a “matured” cheese taste). Add pepper to taste.

Start layering the mince mix in an oven-proof dish and drizzle the cheese sauce over the mince mix. Cover the mixture with a layer of the lasagna sheets. Repeat the layering until the dish is full and the mixture is finished.  Pour a final layer of cheese sauce of the lasagna sheets.

Place in the oven (200-225C) and bake for 40-45 minutes (be sure to keep an eye on the dish).  

day.in.summary

{!}original sin{!}

“it ain't no sin

to take off your skin

and dance around in your bones”

                                                                                                                                   -Tom Waits

(m)ug(ly)shots

Today I stumbled across an interesting article, on the somewhat sensationalist, lower-to-medium-brow MailOnline, about “Australia’s shadiest sheilas”:

"Murderers, bigamists, cocaine dealers and back street abortionists, all manner of vampish villain and fallen floozy scooped off the streets and photographed for police files. Their blank expressions hiding a catalogue of appalling crimes.

The incredible pictures- part of a collection of 2500 mugshots taken by New South Wales Police Department photographers between 1910 and 1930- give a fascinating glimpse into the role of women in the seedy underbelly of early 20th century Australian life.

Dorothy Mort, 32, shot her young lover, Dr Claude Tozer, dead on December 21, 1921, after he tried to end their romance. She was arrested after a failed suicide bid.

Elizabeth Singleton had multiple convictions for soliciting and was described in police records as a common prostitute. She was imprisoned at Long Bay but the details of her sentence have been lost.

Janet Wright, 68, nearly killed a teenage patient during an illegal backstreet abortion.

Emily Hemsworth killed baby son but could not remember details and was found not guilty due to insanity.

Eugenia Falleni...spent most of her life masquerading as a man.  In 1913 she married  widow, Annie Birkett, whom she later murdered. The case whipped the public into a frenzy as they clamoured for details of the 'man-woman' murderer.

Little is known of this older criminal Annie Matthews - criminal record number 634LB arrested on 3 July 1924."

Thought for the day

                                             

ILLUSIONS

 

  

                                          

Post Secret

...and the earth died screaming while i lay dreaming...

“Human beings are so destructive.

I sometimes think we're a kind of plague, that will scrub the earth clean.

We destroy things so well that I sometimes think, maybe that's our function.

Maybe every few eons, some animal comes along that kills off the rest of the world, clears the decks, and lets evolution proceed to its next phase.”

The Lost World- Michael Crichton

relativity of meaning

Wellington's Day (belated)

As Ric will know only too well, I'm not one for overt displays of affection, but I am a fan of dry humour (and infantile sucker-punches and/or nipple twists) as a substitute for public displays of affection.

Yesterday I sent my friends, family and boyfriend a number of electronic Valentine's Day Cards from Hipster Cards which stocks a wide array of (free) off-beat greeting cards. You may want to check out Rattlebox for a further collection of (free) off-beat multimedia greeting cards ("that don't suck"). 

I'll take the fact that I didn't receive any responses to my e-cards as an indicator that they went straight into my loved ones' junk mail folders *ahem*.

Question (ge)Antwoord

I love Die Antwoord (so much) and I've had the opportunity of seeing them live on various occassions. I think that, if you didn't know the evolution behind the band, they would probably scare the shit out of you but I think they are immensely creative and unique. I find it laughable  when people get offended by their music because, despite appearances, it is really intelligent and artistic stuff.

Watkin Tudor Jones, who used to be the frontman for the band Max Normal and who has now adopted (read: become indistinguishable from) his "alter-ego" Ninja, is  a prolific musician and artist. There is so much thought behind what the band is doing, that it's no wonder they've made it bigger than any SA band has before, baring Seether (but then again, who really gives a fok about Seether).

The other day I watched their video "I Fink U Freeky", from their latest album Ten$ion, and it called to mind imagery from this book that we have at home called "Platteland" by the American photographer Roger Ballen. A lot of Ballen's photography documents the lives of poor whites (i.e. arme blankes) in post-apartheid South Africa. The photographs are brutally honest and raw portrayals of a life which is incredibly foreign to and hidden from society at large. The portraits leave you feeling slightly ill but inexplicably intrigued- a lot like my forensic medicine course used to do. 

Guess my utter surprise when I went onto Ballen's website the other day and discovered that he had photographed Die Antwoord for their video "I Fink U Freeky". My thought process ended up coming full circle which was very satisfying.

Die Antwoord challenges me and makes me think, but it makes me happy to know I'm getting the gist of what they're trying to convey.

Clever tokoloshies.

Thought for the day

censorship

Len(parsh)

"one look at you

and then suddenly covered in shrapnel too

it's true

most die in your bedroom"

The Lost Ingredient

Almost yesterday, those gentle ladies stole
to their baths in Atlantic City, for the lost
rites of the first sea of the first salt
running from a faucet. I have heard they sat
for hours in briny tubs, patting hotel towels
sweetly over shivered skin, smelling the stale
harbor of a lost ocean, praying at last
for impossible loves, or new skin, or still
another child. And since this was the style,
I don't suppose they knew what they had lost.

Almost yesterday, pushing West, I lost
ten Utah driving minutes, stopped to steal
past postcard vendors, crossed the hot slit
of macadam to touch the marvelous loosed
bobbing of The Salt Lake, to honor and assault
it in its proof, to wash away some slight
need for Maine's coast. Later the funny salt
itched in my pores and stung like bees or sleet.
I rinsed it off on Reno and hurried to steal
a better proof at tables where I always lost.

Today is made of yesterday, each time I steal
toward rites I do not know, waiting for the lost
ingredient, as if salt or money or even lust
would keep us calm and prove us whole at last.

-Ann Sexton 

Thought for the week (recurring)

Blague du Jour

Mortgaged Heart

“We wander, question. But the answer waits in each separate heart - the answer of our own identity and the way by which we can master loneliness and feel that at last we belong.”

- Carson McCullers

Successfail

While Lua is rocking her mohawk,

Albie remains too much of a kluts to appreciate the difference between grass and water.

Dimanche mange

This past Sunday I acceded to Ric’s oft-repeated request (read: plea) that we eat Risotto. To say I’m not a fan of rice is putting it lightly but, given that it was Ric’s birthday weekend, I figured I’d set my (usually vociferous) resistance to the side and accede to his request. We struck up a compromise, namely I’d make Risotto if it could have lemon in it (one of Ric’s pet dislikes). So I ended up choosing a recipe for mushroom, leek and lemon Risotto. I combined it with a rocket, pecan nut and pear salad. Verdict: one of the best meals we’ve eaten. Oh. My. (!)

M-L-L Risotto:

Ingredients:

·         2 cups rice

·         1 large onion

·         1 tsp garlic

·         500g leeks

·         3 cups chopped mushrooms

·         4 tbs vegan margarine

·         Olive oil

·         5.5 cups vegetable stock

·         1 lemon

·         1 tbs chopped parsley

·         1 tbs chopped chives

Heat the olive oil in a pan and add the garlic. Leave to fry for 1 minute. Add the onions and fry until soft (do not let the onion brown). Remove from stove and set-aside.

Cut leeks through the middle length-wise and chop. Chop the mushrooms. Heat olive oil in a pan and add the leek and mushroom mixture. Fry the mixture for about 10 minutes adding salt to taste. Remove from stove and set-aside.

Melt 2tbs of butter in a pot and add the rice, onions and garlic. Stir the mixture for about 1 minute and place your stove on medium heat to avoid burning the rice. Add 1 ladle of the vegetable stock to the rice and continue adding a ladle each time the liquid is absorbed by the rice (this process should take approximately 30-40 minutes).

While the rice is cooking, combine the rind of 1 lemon, the lemon’s juice, the parsley, the chives and 2tbs of vegan margarine in a separate bowl.

Once all the vegetable stock has been absorbed by the rice, add the leek and mushroom mixture, as well as the lemon rind and parsley mixture to the rice. Mix and season to taste.

R-P-P Salad:

Ingredients:

·         1 bag rocket leaves

·         1 cup pecan nuts

·         3 ripe, sweet pears

·         1 tbs pecan nut oil or macadamia nut oil

·         2 tsp lemon juice

·         Salt and pepper to taste

Cut the pears into thin longitudinal slivers, combine pears with rocket and pecan nuts.

Combine the pecan nut / macadamia nut oil with the lemon juice, salt and pepper and shake to mix. Drizzle dressing over salad and enjoy.

We ended the meal off with our own, somewhat failed, take on the Vegan Swedes’ Chocolate Chip Ice-Cream Sandwiches (our sandwiches became open ones) and herbal tea to counter-act the richness of it all.

All in all a really great day filled with good food and company.