Je le veux!

  

stranger things have happened

*then

Thought for the Day(!)

(a reiteration of Tuesday's thought for the day, but also bolded and underlined, with numerous EXPLICIT expletives thrown [yes, physically thrown] in for good measure.)

(!)

thought for the day

took-(e)-cards

Sourced from: http://www.someecards.com

chanson du jour

Winter Days

Thrive(ing) by Brendan Brazier

Ric has recently gone super health-nut on my ass which is great, but sort of weird since I’ve always been the one forcing vegetables and supplements down his throat. He’s been totally engrossed in Brendan Brazier’s THRIVE books and now I’m enduring daily 20 minute lectures on the virtues of whole food eating, ironman training, chia seeds, hemp and maca powder, goji berries, muscle regeneration and how this links to biological as opposed to chronological age and (right this very moment) “needing to make these energy bars a lot bigger...cause they sort of look like dog turds”(see below).

After quite a lot of prodding, I’ve started reading Brazier’s “Vegan Nutrition Guide to Optimal Performance in Sports and Life” which seems to be more of an introductory guide to health and nutrition than his “Thrive Fitness” book which is focused much more on hardcore fitness and endurance training. The former book features a 12-week whole foods meal plan, over 100 wheat-, gluten- and soy-free recipes, exercise-specific recipes for pre-workout snacks, energy gels, sport drinks and recovery foods. Brazier “is a professional Ironman triathlete and creator of VEGA, an award-winning whole food, plant-based, nutritional product line.”

I haven’t gotten very far into the book but the little of what I’ve read has already struck a (very “doh”, that’s so obvious, why didn’t I ever think of that) chord with me. For example, Brazier provides quite a comprehensive exposition on stress and, more particularly, nutritional stress which he defines as “stress created by food because of its unhealthy properties...nutritional stress is much more than just unhealthy food. Not eating the right foods can cause nutritional stress: Not eating enough natural, unprocessed foods rich in vitamins, minerals, enzymes, high-quality protein, fibre, essential fatty acids, antioxidants, and good bacteria (probiotics) is a major source of stress on our bodies...overtime these eating habits wear down the body’s endocrine system, the glandular system that secretes hormones into the bloodstream to regulate bodily functions, and, in turn, our organs’ ability to function efficiently...often shrugged off as part of the aging process, symptoms such as these are not natural in a middle-aged persons: they are a direct result of stress, most of it nutritional. The slowing rate at which the body regenerates at a cellular level is biological aging: the speed at which that transpires, however, depends on diet.”   

This might all sound a bit scientific but essentially what it comes down to is that eating shit food  causes stress on the body because it is so difficult to digest and/or because it constitutes eating empty calories. This in turn causes our adrenal glands to release cortisol. Cortisol (which is only meant to be secreted in life or death situations) eventually “eats away” at the body by breaking down muscle tissue. As Brazier more eloquently puts it: “if stress, and therefore cortisol, remains elevated, several problems arise to hamper our body’s smooth functioning. One is that the body shifts fuel sources. Instead of burning fat as fuel, a stressed person’s system will burn carbohydrates in the form of sugar, and the body begins to store the body fat instead of using it for energy.”

I’ve always known that stress isn’t good for you but have attributed the notion of “stress” to external or psychological sources as opposed to physiological or nutritional sources, which again, now seems so obvious (doh!). Brazier goes a lot more in depth with the concept of stress and the different kinds of (complementary, uncomplementary and productive) stresses we should aim for and those we should avoid. The book also seems to make the whole “airy-fairy” notion of fitness and health a lot more tangible. So far, what I’ve gleaned from the book is that if we take care of the nutritional sources of stress (i.e. our poor eating habits), which Brazier submits accounts for close to 50% of all stress experienced, then the battle against poor health will be half won since this is one of the major sources of stress we actually have some control over. 

I’ll do an ex-“post”-facto, once I’ve read the book. 

you.Sexy Vegan.you

This is the newest addition to our ever-expanding vegan cookbook collection, entitled The Sexy Vegan by Brian L Patton. It features “extraordinary food from an ordinary dude” and it is a wonderfully tongue-in-cheek take on recipes, cooking and interacting with the reader. The (very abridged) intro to the book is as follows:

"Once upon a time, in early May 1977, my dad got into my mom’s pants, thus planting the seed, which eventually sprouted arms, legs and, thankfully, a head. Shortly after this seed was sown, with my tiny, gelatinous, cellular self forming in my mommy’s belly, my parents went to see a new, state-of-the-art movie called Star Wars. I only mention this because it marked a turning point in my life: it thrust me into geekdom faster than the Millenium Falcon did the Kessel run...about nine months after that, on February 16, 1978, in Hazleton, Pennsylvania, I was welcomed into the work by being carved out of my mother’s womb, because I was all upside down and shit.

Then one day, I went to college. Four years, two beer-pong trophies, countless blackouts and one miraculous diploma later, I ended up on my parent’s couch...for a year...which I know they loved...finally in October 2001, I decided to strike out on my own and joint the real world...so I moved to Hollywood for no other reason than that one of my friends was moving there, and I had nothing better to do. So we loaded up the car and trucked across the country. After a few friendless, penniless, shitty job-having years, I found myself unemployed with zero direction. Tinseltown, my ass!

Back to being a fat, jobless, twenty-six year-old loser. Oh, I didn’t mention fat before? Yeah, I’m about 5 feet 9 inches, and I was pushing 260 pounds at the time. As depressed and directionless as I was, I did see my unemployment as an opportunity to choose a path. My cooking got to the point that I felt just confident enough to serve my food to other humans, and since I had no interest in ultimizing my $100 000 public relations degree (something else my parents really loved), I thought this would be a great time to see exactly how much I enjoyed preparing food, so I tried doing it for a living.

Now don’t worry, we’re getting to the part where I become a supersuccessful vegan cookbook author, but I have to become vegan first...

Being the only meat eater working for Vegin’ Out, I thought I’d try becoming vegan for a month...I thought this one-month “diet” would give me a solid kick start to getting back into shape. Actually “getting back into shape” implies that I was once in shape. To clarify, there had been only about forty-eight months of my life where I was actually in shape, and nine of those months I was in utero. So I was really just hoping to get in shape.

On September 2006, I cooked myself up a nice porterhouse with mushroom gravy and some roasted potatoes and the next day I went vegan. I realize this means that my first day of being vegan was on September 11, but I wasn’t making any symbolic statement; it just happened to be a Monday, and, as we all know, diets start on Monday.

After this animal product-free month, I had more energy and I’d lost about eight pounds, so I thought I’d give it another month, and then another month. My energy continued to sky rocket and my doodie became more and more, um...attractive which was very nice. When you’re an obese man, eating a terrible diet, your day kind of revolves around defecation. Your doodie schedule is unpredictable, and after you go, you don’t really feel, um, right until you’ve showered. Wow, this really took a turn, huh? Everybody still hungry? Good. The point is, I was becoming healthy on the inside, which was beginning to show on the outside: my complexion improved, the whites of my eyes got whiter and after ten months I’d lost sixty pounds!

One the same level of importance as having consistently enjoyable bowel movements, was the fact that my new way of life lent the value to my work that I had felt it was missing. I realised that consuming vegan food and preparing it for others served the world in countless positive ways. I certainly could have written about the health, ecological and ethical benefits of a vegan diet, but that is a totally different book, for someone way, way smarter to write. The key is that once I discovered that I could not only survive but thrive without taking the life of another being, I was sold. I was vegan. For good.”

The cookbook is so fun and humorous and contains recipes for cocktails (such as "The Bloodbath", "The Knucklehead" and "The Dirty Dudetini"), a chapter on “Beatin’ The Meat” and making meat substitutes (what do you call a roomful of vegan dudes? A soysage party.) Further chapters are on breakfasts, soups, salads (such as “The Girlfriend’s Favourite Salad That She Constantly Asks Me to Make and Won’t Shut the Hell Up about”), handheld sandwiches (such as “The Seitan Worshipper", "The Portly Fellow" and "The Fat Ass”), entrees (such as “Mexicali Quinoa with Black Lentils and Pretend Chipotle Sausages”), a whole chapter dedicated to PIZZA (yay!), snackages (such as “Jalapeno Poppers” and “Buffalo Wangs”), condiments and sauces (such as “The Crazy Shit and the Crazy Shit Vinegar”- which, personally, has to be my favourite recipe title in the book) and finally, ice-cream (which recipes do, however, require an ice-cream maker).

The only slight downer is that a lot of the recipes seem to have tempeh in them which I’ve never come across in South Africa. Notwithstanding this however, there stills seems to be more than enough tempeh-free recipes to fill the book. I'll be delving into the sexy Mr Patton's recipes soon enough- as much as to make his awesome food as to read his acerbic humour. 

Kai Thai Rothbury Lodge

It’s my beautiful mother's birthday soon and I decided to take her for a surprise overnight spa treatment at Kai Thai Rothbury Lodge, situated about an hour outside of Johannesburg. I didn’t tell her where we were going (which was a major trial for me) and my dad kept on asking whether she knew what time we were going to “jump”.  She was convinced I was taking her bungee jumping (since I took her sky-diving a few years back) and kept on emphasizing that she wasn’t mentally or physically up for something like that and that she might not survive an adrenaline-packed adventure this time around. Least to say she was super relieved when we pulled up to the Lodge. 

The overnight package comes to R1700 per person and includes breakfast, lunch and dinner, rooms with their own private gardens complete with a Jacuzzi and an outdoor shower as well as three individual thai spa treatments. The Lodge also has a steam room and is located on beautifully manicured premises.

Another treat, for me at least, was that the lodge has five resident, awesome (rescue) dogs (Gucci, Socks, Shoes, Richard and Little Richard) which helped to quell the really strange feeling of not having our own dogs with us. Having discussed our mutual love of dogs with Michelle, the manager of the Lodge, she said that we are welcome to bring our hairy fairies and prince (or at least the best behaved of the lot), the next time we come to the Lodge.

Michelle was amazing in accommodating my (and by implication, my mother’s) eating habits and she had the kitchen prepare the most phenomenal vegan thai dinner and lunches I’ve ever eaten. The breakfast was also replete with delicious vegetarian sausages, mushrooms, tomatoes etc. I brought my own soy milk for the coffees but that was pretty much the only worry I had and we really appreciated the individualised care that the Lodge took with us.

The treatments are phenomenal, performed by trained experts and include traditional thai massages (which hurt the fuck out of you but leave you feeling like a newborn baby thereafter, particularly because you’re pretty much weeping like a newborn for the duration of the massage), reflexology, mud wraps and exfoliation as well as more run of the mill treatments such as facials, pedicures and Swedish or therapeutic oil massages. It would be lovely to go back there in summer (as Murphy’s law would have it, I’d chosen the coldest week of the year to go to the Lodge) as they do the massages outside on a beautifully decorated deck in the garden.

The overnight package is definitely a bargain for the price you’re paying. It’s a relaxed, beautiful setting, staffed by people who genuinely care about giving you the best experience possible and, since it is only an hour outside of Johannesburg, a single night’s stay actually feels a lot longer than it is, since there is barely any travel involved. I’ll definitely be back, when my budget allows it.

The Iceman Cometh (wtf)

08h30

10h30

it'sasham

Alt. wedding procession.

Last year sometime, we bought a reproduction of Pieter Brueghel's "The Wedding Procession" from our local hospice shop on Louis Botha Avenue.

I've been eyeing the print out ever since and sporadically telling Ric that I want to (with the best intentions) deface it in order to make it a bit less austere, a bit more modern, a bit more "us"...but then I'd keep on forgetting to do anything about it until the next time I pass by it on my way to the loo.

This past weekend I was chatting to Ric's brother and, in passing, told him how I'd like to put skulls in place of the people's faces on the print, so he popped out and bought me some (super exciting skull and Matryoshka doll) stickers which I cut out and stuck onto the print (note: only the Matryoshka doll's fiddle made the cut). 

So now its become the living dead leading the dead living's wedding procession, which seems more apt, since we're all in the process of living and dying (on multifarious levels) in any event.

I think that, decoratively, Ric has given up questioning anything I do. He sort of just sighs, acquiesces and lets me proceed with my weird ideas.

Mad Girl's Love Song

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

-Sylvia Plath