Incredible Miss Fox

We can easily identify the breeds in most of our pavement specials; Dinah is a Chihuahua-cross-Whippet (cross-bug-eyed-hoochie-bitch), Lua is a Maltese-cross-Terrier (cross-hates–big-dogs-and-small-kids-bitch) and Albie is a Lab-cross-Collie (cross-chewy-toy-fanatic-and-water-lover). As for Cassidy? We have no clue. Niks. Nada. I was filling in forms for her the other day and I had to record her breed (after being warned explicitly not to record “mutt”). I thought about labelling her a "ginger inja" but decided instead on “miniature Africanus” because that sounds romantic and cutting edge and oh so cool. Trolling through my favourite blogs earlier today I finally discovered just what the heck she is. 

A FOX.

She’s as quick-witted and sly as a fox and the other day at the park she had the unfortunate experience of being hounded like a fox by a big-ass pack of dogs. You see Cassidy is a pre-emptive diva. Whenever a bigger dog comes up to her in the park she will start howling like a banshee when the dog crosses over into her 1-metre, shit-fitting, radius. There has been many a time when Cassidy’s howls of psychic pain have spurred other dog owners into chastising their dogs for hurting Cassidy. Cassidy’s never been hurt, she’s just a big baby.  

On the day in question, a big black French poodle whom I shall call “la Floozy” (because the lady dog isn’t very bright or well-behaved and is consequently somewhat maligned at the park by other dog owners) walks up to Cassidy. When she comes within one meter of her, Cassidy flips out and starts up with her usual blue-murder howling. So la Floozy is like “fucking A” and jumps right onto Cassidy, which starts her on even more shrill and intense howling.

My mom and I were about ten meters away sussing out the situation and waiting for la Floozy’s (similarly maligned owner) to reign her in. But no. Cassidy darts away like a mad dog with la Floozy and a further five, very intrigued, increasingly riled-up dogs, hot on her tail. I finally realise that the situation may just be less funny and more serious than I thought when I see la damn Floozy take a big bite of Cassidy’s (skinny) bum. No flesh was torn off but there was a palpable and recognizable “mouth-full-of-cassidy’s-running-bum” in la Floozy’s running mouth. And then I was like “oh man”.

So I set off chasing the dogs who are chasing la Floozy who is chasing cross-eyed-with-terror Cassidy all over the park. Cassidy is howling and pooping herself (literally) when I notice, mid-sprint, that a half-naked man with tribal tattoos all over his body is frantically trying to chase down the whole group of us. So, of course, I stop for a second and think “WTF?!”.

My mom finally manages to call some sense into Cassidy who finally regains her focus and darts right between my mom’s waiting legs. After we had appeased the panting and indignant Cassidy with water, love and pats of “it’s okay Cassie, it’s okay, you’re alive, breathe Cassie, just breathe, have some more water” and we thanked the kindly tattooed man for his chivalry, we were ready to get the hell out of the park.

You would think Cassidy would have learnt a lesson out of this experience about keeping her clap-trap mouth shut but I have a sneaking suspicion that this was only the first of a series of rounds between la damn Floozy and the incredible (incredulous?) miss Fox.