Question: How to bath a really dirty big black dog who gets increasingly aggressive and agitated the longer he is in the bath and whose complaints escalate from soft whimpers to surprisingly disconcerting guttural growls and whose paws are like big mother-flipping serrated shovels that can pack one hell of a hook when angled correctly and whose weight (and consequent strength) seems to triple as soon as he is placed (placed?) into the bath.
Answer: Treat the whole bathing experience like some high-stakes ops-mission where you have to infiltrate foreign territory (i.e. pissed-off Albie territory) by frantically distracting your really dirty big black dog with his fluorescent pink chewy toy whilst singing "chewy toy, chewy toy, chewy-chewy-chewy-chewy-chewy-toy" to the melody of Homer Simpson's "Spider Pig".
After-thought: Why share this experience on one's blog?
After-after-thought: I didn't photo-shop that eye.
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