Ric and I went on a date this weekend on the Mystery Ghost Bust Tour. The Tour takes you on a five hour coach trip through Jo’burg’s “most haunted” sights- amongst others, the Mormon Temple, Mike’s Kitchen, the Fort at Constitutional Hill and Kensington Castle. The Tour ultimately culminates in a midnight walk through Braamfontein cemetery. The night in summary? An epic fail. Capital E. The downside of going on a coach tour is that you can’t take any measures to limit the risk of your exposure to complete assholes. As someone who is a self-proclaimed (and self-diagnosed) agoraphobic, as well as a serious hard-ass since I’ve started to practice law, the lion’s share of the night was spent by Ric trying to interrupt my rage-induced tunnel vision of three barely legal, foul-mouthed, drunken, ignorant, farting, private-school jocks. I actually struck up an awesome conversation with a very nice grandpa and grandma about how we might go about killing these boys- it seemed we were kindred souls. Apart from the jocks, the tour itself was a disappointment insofar as it involved a lot of driving and very little sight-seeing or elucidation by the tour-guide. I do however admit that some of the disappointment was due to the fact that Jo’burg is such a hard and gritty town. For example, we stopped off at Zoo Lake to conduct some form of electromagnetic conduit experiment, only to be deafened by inebriated crowds and drag-racing 100 meters away. We stopped to have dinner at the Troyeville Hotel (awesomely kitsch and a highlight to the night) only to be harassed by stoned thugs. Thank fuck for Ric’s company which, at the end of the day (literally), made the comedy of errors a worthwhile (if not repeatable) experience. The other highlight of the Tour was the midnight walk through Braamfontein cemetery. The dead are surprisingly good company and it was really special to be there after-hours. It wasn’t long before I managed to calm-down, enjoy the moment, and stop eyeing the jocks like a rabid skunk. The guide also came alive, so-to- speak, by giving us an historical overview of the place and the people buried there. Although it lost any semblance of a ghost tour, it was really edifying. I would not do the Tour again and I definitely do not recommend it, but it was useful to the extent that it pointed out really awesome places in Jo’burg where Ric and I do want to go and explore at our own pace and without the company of philistines.
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